


Russia

by MissAdoration



Series: Love Through the Pain [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alderaan, Angst, Drama, F/M, Hurt Natasha Romanov, Hurt/Comfort, Natasha-centric, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Red Room
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-13
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-05-13 19:02:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 20,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5713561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissAdoration/pseuds/MissAdoration
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One month in captivity. One month in a Russian hospital. One month away from SHIELD.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here is Part 3 of "Love Through the Pain". Warnings for mild torture. Applying the archive warning just to be safe. This is set about three months after "A Traumatic Amputation."

Things were very hectic at SHIELD headquarters.

Natasha and Steve, who had come out of retirement after leaving when Natasha had lost her left hand, were busy fighting off a large group of Russian HYDRA agents that had attacked the base. During the time that they were gone, Natasha had learned to use her prosthetic left hand to conduct various combat elements. She was also able to use a pistol in her right hand as well as one of her Widow's Bite bracelets. She wished she was able to use both bracelets and two guns, but she was glad to be back.

Meanwhile, Steve was using his shield and a knife to take out a few of the guys. Occasionally, he would cover Natasha when one of the enemies threw a grenade or when she needed backup. Close by, Agents Maria Hill, and Clint Barton were attacking their share of the enemies, using guns, fists, kicks, the other Widow's Bite (Maria), and of course, Clint's bow and arrow.

SHIELD wasn't alone. Because this group was so huge and they gave Coulson and his team a clear warning that they were coming, he was able to call in Han, Leia, and Luke to come in and assist. Officer Kennedy would've come too, but he had his hands tied with a high profile case back on Alderaan.

Everywhere in the main hall of HQ, guns were being fired, arrows were flying by, and people were shouting and punching. Everyone was getting tired and worn out. It felt like it was never going to end. Every time they thought they were done, more would show up. It's like they had men waiting outside, ready to attack and not stop until every person inside SHIELD was dead.

Finally, after one long hour of fighting and Clint running out of arrows, it was over. Maria had finished off the last HYDRA agent by ramming the Widow's Bite into the guy's chest. Everyone was exhausted as they made their way out of the main room and into the seating room, well almost everyone. Leia and Natasha were missing.

"Maybe her hand started bothering her and Leia took her to safety," Clint said to Steve as he was retrieving arrows from dead bodies. "I'll go look in Nat's room," he said as he grabbed the last arrow and left the room.

Upon arrival, he found the door locked.

"Natasha, are you in there?" he asked knocking on the door.

No answer.

"Nat, are you OK?" he said a little louder. Still no answer.

As quickly as possible, he grabbed one of his arrows, rigged it with a small explosive, and shot at the door handle, instantly breaking it open. Once the smoke cleared, he pushed the door open and stepping inside. What he found made him stop dead in his tracks.

The room was empty and the lights were on. He nearly tripped over the overturned chair that was in the middle of the floor. Regaining his balance, he continued to walk around until he heard something break under his boot. It was glass. Next to it, there was a stain of blood and what looked like two small stones. He picked them up and studied them with his blue eyes. Since he couldn't figure them out, he put them in the pocked of his jacket and continued surveying the rest of the room. Glass seemed to be everywhere. Even the mirror on the dresser was cracked. Also, both nightstands and the lamps that were on top of them were overturned. The room looked like a grenade had gone off.

As he was trying to put things together in his mind. Steve came in the room. He stopped abruptly when he saw the damage.

"What happened?

"I don't know, Cap. The window's broke too," Clint said as he walked back to the door. "Oh, and I found these on the ground next to a small spot of blood," he said as he handed Steve the stones. Steve studied them carefully. He then held one of them up to light, revealing the letters, "PLASOS'. He then held up the other one and it had an "N" inside of it. His look then changed.

"What is it Cap?" Clint asked.

"This stone came off of the necklace that I gave to Natasha when we first came to Alderaan. The other stone belongs to Leia."

"What does it mean?"

"By the looks of the room, both girls were taken and their necklaces have been ripped off their necks. The enemy must've then broken the window, and escaped out the back," Steve explained.

"What are we supposed to do now?" Clint asked worriedly.

"Well, for starters, we need to tell the team. Then we need to clean up this room and the main room. Lastly, we'll begin searching for them."

"Right away, Cap," Clint said as he left the room. Meanwhile, Steve took a few minutes to look around the room. On the ground, he noticed that the picture of him and Natasha from when the returned back to SHIELD had been knocked down and broken. Brushing the glass off the picture, he studied it as tears began to form in his eyes. He then left the room, picture and stones in hand.

* * *

A few tears escaped Han's eyes as Steve handed him Leia's stone. Her brother, Luke, bought the necklace for Leia on her 26th birthday. The only time she ever took it off was when she would give it to Luke for him to keep it safe if they knew they were going to be separated for a period of time. Wiping the tears from his eyes, he put the stone in his pocket and sat down with the rest of the team.

"Maria, do you have any security footage of Natasha's room?" Clint asked.

"Sorry, Clint. Everything was taken out during one of the grenades," Maria explained.

"Oh," Steve responded upon hearing Maria's answer. "Han, what about Kennedy. Can he help us?"

"Calling him now," Han said as he put the phone on the table.

"This is Kennedy."

"Sir, this is Captain Steve Rogers. We need your help."

"What's up?" Kennedy asked.

"Sir, I know you have your hands full on Alderaan, but we need help. Natasha and Leia have been captured. SHIELD was attacked earlier today. It took us about an hour, but we defeated them, but now both girls are missing and our security footage is down. We have no trace of them."

"Oh my goodness. Was there anything in the room where they were captured?"

"Yeah. There was glass everywhere. It looked like a grenade went off. Oh, and Clint found the stones that were on their necklaces," Steve explained.

"I see. Alright then. I'll get right on this. You guys keep your heads up. We'll find both of them," Kenned responded.

"Sir, what about your other case?" Han asked.

"It can wait, I care more about the girls' safety than I do about the case. I'll just give it to my partner so I can concentrate on this."

"Thanks, Kennedy," Han said.

"You're welcome, guys," Kennedy said. He then hung up.

Once the call was over, everyone went about cleaning up the living room and the room where Natasha and Leia were captured. A half hour later, the rooms were clean. Coulson prepared dinner and everyone ate in silence.


	2. Chapter 2

Leia and Natasha were helpless.

Both of the girls' wrists and ankles were bound as they rode in the back of a van. Their necklaces were ripped from their necks and on top of that, they were squished pretty close together so Leia could feel Natasha's shaking body against hers.

What they thought was 2 hours later, a man opened the back of the van, cut the ropes from their wrists and ankles, and forcefully led them into a building and down a long hallway.

"Don't' hurt her!" Leia pleaded as the two of them were separated and forced into different rooms.

Inside one of the rooms, Leia was being whipped hard with a leather whip. The leader was forcing her to talk, wanting to know how she was involved with SHIELD. However she would not reveal anything to these people.

"You will answer us!" he shouted as he brought whip down hard on Leia's already bleeding back.

"Never!" she hissed. The next lash of the whip knocked her to the ground.

"Get up!" he shouted at her. She struggled, but she managed to stand up and face the man that was beating her. After taking one more look at her, the attacker struck the side of her face, knocking her back down to the ground. He then left the room and locked the door behind him.

As Leia lay on the ground in pain, she could hear Natasha's screams and torture. She assumed that she was also being beaten, but even more severe than hers since the screams were piercing and very loud.

* * *

Across the hall, Natasha's whole back was covered in ribbons of blood and flesh. She was on her knees and in extreme pain. The guy was using the whip heavily on her. She couldn't even begin to count the number of times that he beat her, but she knew it was a lot.

"Pledge your loyalty to HYDRA!" the guy shouted.

"Never!" Natasha hissed. Another hard lash from the whip. Knocking her on her the ground, face first.

"Get up!" he shouted at her.

Natasha tried to move, but her back wouldn't allow it. She was in too much pain to even think about moving. The next thing she knew, a hand forcefully grabbed her hair and forced her to her feet. He then shoved her back to the ground.

She hit hard.

"I'm not finished with you, Natalia!" he hissed as he whipped her a few more times. He then left the room and left her on the ground in agonizing pain.

Tears were falling down Natasha's face. She was sweaty, covered in blood, and unmoving. She lay in silence. She couldn't hear Leia. She hoped that they didn't kill her. Also, she was wondering how the guy beating her knew her name.

She closed her eyes and tried to sleep.

* * *

The next day, Leia was led out of the room that she was being held in and forced onto the ground by what looked like an unconscious Natasha. The door then locked behind her.

With whatever strength she had left, she moved closer to Natasha and searched for a pulse. She was still breathing. Her entire back was covered in blood and she was cold to the touch. Very carefully, Leia placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Natasha?" she whispered.

Natasha slowly opened her eyes. Everything seemed blurry. She felt dizzy.

"Leia," she managed.

"Are you OK?"

"No. I can't move," Natasha groaned.

As carefully as possible, Leia helped Natasha attempt to sit up. She winced as a pain wave shot through her body.

"Easy, Natasha. I got you," Leia said as continued to help.

The pain was unbearable, but Leia managed to carefully help Natasha turn over and rest her head on Leia's lap. She still felt dizzy and her vision was still blurry.

"Hang in there. We'll get out of this," Leia soothed.

What seemed like a half hour later, the door opened and two men came in. One yanked Natasha up and the other grabbed Leia. Both girls were led out and thrown into the back of another van.

Inside, Natasha lay on the ground and Leia was kneeling beside her, with a hand on her shoulder. She could hear Natasha's sharp breaths.

"Slow breaths," Leia said.

Natasha tried, but the pain was too much. She was on her stomach and breathing heavily. She then felt a boot hit her side.

"Enough!" the guy hissed. Natasha let out a loud moan. He did it again.

"I said enough!"


	3. Chapter 3

Back at SHIELD, Coulson was staring intently at his computer screen. Someone had contacted him via email demanding that SHIELD releases Grant Ward in return for Leia and Natasha.

"Agent Barton?" he said into his earpiece.

"Yes, Sir?" came the reply.

"Come to my office. Stat," Coulson said.

"On my way."

Inside his office, Clint sat down in Coulson's seat and carefully read the email.

"What do you want to do, Sir?" Clint asked.

"I don't know. Ward belongs to us. We need him for answers."

Clint then turned his attention back to the computer, where he noticed that another email had come in. He clicked on it and read it carefully.

"Uh Sir. It now says that if Ward isn't released, both girls will be tortured until death," Clint said.

"What?" Coulson said looking at the email. He carefully read every word. His look changed.

"Alright. Fine. If it gets us both girls, then I'll release him." He then sat back down at his desk and responded back asking where and when the exchange should take place. The anonymous person responded saying he would meet outside HQ at 4:00 with both girls.

"That's 4 hours from now. Can you get Ward from the Fridge in time?" Clint asked.

"I think so," Coulson said.

As Clint was leaving the Coulson's office, Coulson called the head guard at the Fridge and requested for Agent Grant Ward to be transported to DC immediately.

* * *

Four hours later, it was time to make the exchange. Both groups stood about five feet apart from each other. Natasha could hardly stand as she watched the events unfold. Leia did her best to support her, but the guards wouldn't allow it.

"Give us Ward first!" one of them shouted.

"No, we want the girls first!" Coulson shouted back.

The guard then grabbed a gun from his holster and pointed it at the girls. They flinched. Natasha almost fell over, but the guard made sure she didn't.

A knot formed in Coulson's chest. Steve, who was standing beside him, reached for a gun. Clint readied an arrow.

"Alright. Fine. I'll send him over!" Coulson said.

The guard lowered his gun when he saw Ward coming toward him. Clint and Steve still kept their weapons at the ready.

"Now send the girls!" Coulson shouted.

The guard turned his back to Coulson and stared intently at both girls. Natasha was struggling to stay standing. Leia was holding onto her arm. After a few seconds, he grabbed Leia by the arm and pushed her over to Coulson, forcing Natasha to fall to the ground.

On the other side, Han took Leia's hand and lead her inside to begin treating her wounds.

"You said you would give us BOTH of the girls!" Coulson shouted.

"I changed my mind. Natalia belongs to me and she always will belong to me. Nothing can change that!" He then grabbed Natasha by the arm and dragged her back to the van.

"Steve!" she shouted as the door slammed shut. Steve quickly grabbed his shield and threw it towards the man, but he returned it back hard, knocking Steve out cold. He then got in the van and drove off.

When Steve came to, he saw that the group of men were gone. Coulson reached out his hand and helped him off the ground.

"Cap, you alright?"

"Yeah, where's Natasha?"

"He took her back. He's gone," Coulson responded.

"No. We have to find her. I recognized that voice. It was Ivan Petrovich."

"Who's Ivan?" Coulson asked.

"Clint knows more than I do, but Ivan was Natasha's surrogate father turned torturer. He is responsible for turning her into the Black Widow."

"Oh my gosh! He'll kill her now!" Coulson exclaimed.

"We have to find him. He has to be stopped before he does kill her," Steve said.

"Cap, I need you here at SHIELD."

"Coulson, I'll do my best to help you, but now Natasha is my top priority. I won't stop until I find her."

* * *

During dinner, Leia explained what had happened to her and Natasha.

"She was having trouble with her hand, so I told her to get to some place safe until it stopped. The next thing I knew, I heard a scream, and then silence. I went in there to see if she was OK. I was only able to catch a glimpse of her necklace before I was grabbed from behind. The guy ripped my necklace off me and dragged me out the window."

"Where did they take you guys?" Clint asked.

"Some kind of warehouse or something. We were separated and beaten. I could even hear Natasha's screams from where I was. Before we came to you guys, they threw me in the same room that she was. She looked horrible when I saw her. Her back was covered in ribbons of flesh and blood."

"What did they want from you?" Steve asked.

"SHIELD intel, but I wouldn't reveal anything. I don't know what they wanted from Natasha," Leia answered. She then cleared her throat. "Steve, you have to find Natasha. Whoever took her must've know who she was. He'll kill her."

"I'm going to do my best." Steve said.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anything in italics is meant to be said in Russian

Natasha lay helpless an in extreme pain as she rode in the back of the van. Her back was bleeding out from her wounds and there was nothing she could do about it. The next thing she knew, a hand pulled her out of the van and dragged her inside a building. She quickly figured out that it was a hospital.

"Fix her. Now!" the man shouted as he shoved Natasha forward.

The nurse caught by the arm and led her to an exam room. She then helped Natasha onto the bed and had her lay on her stomach. She then quickly left the room to get the necessary supplies. Meanwhile, the mysterious man pushed down on Natasha's shoulder, keeping her face-down on the bed. Natasha tried to move, but between the heavy hand on her shoulder and her being in pain, she was unsuccessful.

A few minutes later, the nurse came back in the room with the supplies. Quickly and carefully, the nurse began to apply pressure to Natasha's wounds. Immediately, Natasha winced in pain.

"Faster, we're in a hurry!" the man said again, this time drawing a knife and pointing it at the nurse. The nurse moved even faster. Natasha then screamed in pain.

"Silence her. I don't have time for this!" the man shouted at the nurse. The nurse then grabbed a syringe from the tray of supplies that she brought in and pushed the needle into Natasha's shoulder, causing her to sleep. The nurse then continued treating her wounds.

In ten minutes, Natasha's wounds were treated and with the help of the nurse, she was dressed in a tight black outfit since her shirt had be cut in order to get it off her damaged back.

Once the paperwork was signed and the sedative wore off, Natasha was forcefully led out of the hospital and thrown back into the van and they were moving again. When the door opened, the mystery man grabbed her arm and forced her to walk to a private plane. Before they boarded, the man bound Natasha's hands with zip ties very tightly behind her back. He then forced her onto the jet and made her sit next to him as the pilot took off. Natasha didn't know who it was that doing this to her. All she could tell is that he had a Russian accent.

"Where are we going?" she asked at almost a whisper.

_"_ _Russia. Where you belong, Natalia,"_   the man replied in Russian.

_"_ _You know me?"_ she replied in Russian."

_"I've known you since you were a little girl."_

Natasha stared into the man's eyes. Realizing who it was, her body began to tense up as memories of her past started to flood her mind.

_"_ _Ivan?"_ she managed to say.

_"_ _Yes. Natalia. It is I,"_ he replied.

Tears were beginning to fall down Natasha's face. Sitting next to her was Ivan Petrovich, her former handler during her days in the Red Room.

_"_ _Enough tears, Natalia. I taught you better,"_ Ivan said.

_"_ _Why are you doing this to me?"_ she sobbed.

_"_ _Because you belong to me, and you always will."_

_"_ _I don't belong to you. I left you."_

_"_ _You can run away all you want, Natalia, but I will always find you and bring you back."_

_"My name is Natasha, not Natalia,"_ Natasha responded angrily. Ivan then slapped her on the side of her face.

_"_ _Not anymore. You will now be known as Natalia Romanova, and I shall teach you your lessons again so that you will not forget. I will turn you back to what you used to be. I will turn you back to be the Black Widow.,"_ he said sternly.

Tears continued to fall down Natasha's face and she could tell that a bruise was forming on her cheek from where Ivan just slapped her. She couldn't bear to relive her past again. She had to get out and Ivan needed to be killed.


	5. Chapter 5

Steve was struggling to concentrate at SHIELD that morning. Coulson had given him a folder about an upcoming mission that he was supposed to go on with Clint and Maria in a few minutes, but his thoughts were on Natasha. It had only been a few days since Ivan took her, but he was scared that Ivan would brainwash her again and turn her back to who she was, or worse, even kill her. Coulson then came to his door and started knocking.

"Cap, are you in there? Barton and Hill are waiting in the jet."

"Coming, Sir," Steve responded. He then took a deep breath, picked up his shield from by his nightstand, and walked to the jet. As he was walking, he was already formulating a plan on what he wanted to do. He would go on this mission, and the minute he got back, he would pack up a few of his belongings and leave SHIELD to go and find Natasha.

The mission was a success, however all three agents had a few wounds to show for it. Maria had a 2-inch gash on her left arm from one of their attacker's knives, Clint got clipped in the knee by a bullet, and Steve had multiple scrapes and bruises. As they flew back to HQ, Steve explained to Clint about what he was going to do.

"Coulson won't let you do that. He needs you. You're our leader."

"Clint, I have to find her. Ivan will kill her if I don't," Steve responded.

"Ok, but the second you locate where they are, call me to help. I want to put an arrow through his heart myself."

"You got it," Steve said as he and Clint shook hands.

Clint was right. Coulson would not let Steve leave.

"Captain, it's out of my hands. Romanoff is off the grid. I can't track her," Coulson said.

Steve looked Coulson in the eyes and spoke.

"Fine then. Until I find her, I'm off SHIELD's grid. I'm going to Alderaan to work with Han and Kennedy and we will find her." He then tossed his badge on Coulson's desk. "And when we do, I will march her right back into your office."

"And what if she's dead?" Coulson asked as he picked up Steve's badge from his desk.

"Then I'll bury her on SHIELD soil." He then turned and left Coulson's office, slamming the door behind him.

Clint saw Steve come out of Coulson's office and by the look on his face, he knew the conversation didn't end well.

"How bad was it?" Clint asked as he waked with Steve to his room.

"Horrible. I even resigned," Steve explained. Clint let out a big sigh. "I had no choice. He won't help me, so I'm gone."

Another sigh from Clint.

"Well, I hope you find them. Good luck, Cap," he said shaking Steve's hand.

"Thanks, Clint. I'll try and keep you posted as much as I can," Steve responded. He then went to his room, packed a few belongings as well as a few of Natasha's and a blanket, locked the door to his room, and left HQ on his motorcycle for the train station. He also called Han, who had left the day before, and told him he was coming.

"Does Coulson know?" Han asked.

"You bet he does. I resigned," Steve answered.

"You what?"

"He wouldn't help me, so I left."

"Alrighty then. I guess that answers that."

"Yep," Steve answered.

"OK. I'll see you when you get here. I'll in the sanctum," Han said.

"You got it."

Steve then hung up the phone and boarded the train.

"I will find you Natasha. I promise," he said to himself.

And he meant it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few warnings and notes before you begin. 1) Natasha will now be referred to as Natalia. 2) This chapter gets a little graphic, so read with caution,

The black uniform that Natasha, now known as Natalia Romanova, was very tight and it pressed hard against her wounded back. Ivan didn't care. The minute they arrived at his place in Russia, he shoved her into a room and locked the door, leaving her on the ground to suffer in pain. Outside, he ordered a guard to stand at the door and keep an eye on her in case she tried to escape.

Inside the room, Natasha lay on the ground, very similar to the way Ivan, or whoever it was, had left her when she was beaten in the warehouse. Her back was aching and she was sobbing heavy tears. She wanted out of this room, more importantly, she wanted out of Russia and away from Ivan.

_"_ _Silence, Natalia!"_ The guard shouted at her, ramming the door with his gun. She ignored him.

About a half hour went by, or so she thought. Natalia gathered up enough strength and pushed her body up and limped to the window. She needed air. She opened the window a small amount and took in the fresh air while gripping tightly to the frame, trying to prevent herself from falling. The wind was a calm wind, but it was enough to get air. It felt good against her hot and teary face. The next thing she knew, the door was being thrown open. The guard came up from behind her, grabbed her away from the window, and forced her out the room, down the stairs, and into another room, where Ivan stood, waiting for her. He had a metal rod in his hand.

Ivan looked at her with angry eyes. He knew what she did. He then motioned for his other two guards to grab her and tie her wrists to the two ropes that were hanging from the ceiling. They did as they were told, and in less than thirty seconds, Natalia was staring directly at the wall in front of her. She then felt Ivan's rod against her back. She screamed.

_"_ _Enough! I told you that you can't run away from me."_

_"_ _I wasn't' running away!"_ she pleaded with him. Another hit from the rod, this time it hit her shoulder. She let another cry of pain.

_"_ _Silence. I taught you better than this!"_   Ivan shouted as he struck her a third time. He then did it two more times. Natalia screamed. He then struck her one final time, making sure she felt the pain. He then ordered the two guards to take her back to her room and lock her in.

_"_ _And make sure that window is boarded up good. We don't want her to trying to run away again."_

The guards untied her wrists, and drug her back up the stairs, and threw her into her room. After forcing her to watch them board up the window, they left the room, locking the door behind them. Meanwhile. Natalia lay on the ground in heavy tears. Her body was in severe pain and she was unable to move. Looking up at the window, Natalia looked for any holes or openings for where light could slip in.

There were none.

The guards made sure that she couldn't see out. She also did her best to look around the room. There was a wooden chair, a bed with some blankets and one pillow, and a door that probably led to a closet. With whatever strength she had, she crawled to the bed, grabbed the pillow and one of the blankets crawled back to the center of the floor, and did her best to get comfortable. Her back ached, but she ignored it.

"Steve, wherever you are, I hope you're looking for me," she said to herself once she finally got herself somewhat situated. She then attempted to sleep.

* * *

Natalia awoke the next morning, still on the floor, except someone had put the blanket back on the bed as well as the pillow. They also left a plate with a piece of bread as well as a glass of water. Very carefully, she pushed herself up so that she was in a kneeling position. Her eyes then noticed a note sitting on top of the bread. It was in Russian, and was handwritten by Ivan. _"Eat, Natalia. Your lessons begin today. Ivan"._ Tossing the note aside, she began to eat the bread. It was dry and hard to chew, but she didn't care. She then reached for the glass and began to drink. To her surprise, it was cold water, and it tasted good against her dry throat.

Minutes later, the door was being opened and the guard entered.

_"_ _Up, Natalia,"_  he said sternly.

Natalia was actually able to stand, but her legs were weak. Very carefully, she limped toward the guard. He then grabbed her arm, led her downstairs and into the same room where she was beaten the night before. IN this particular area, she noticed a chair with restraints, a table with a few syringes, and a viewing screen.

_"_ _Sit her in the chair and restrain her!"_ Ivan ordered. The guard did as he was told. He led Natalia to the chair, forced her to sit, and tightly bound her arms to the arm rests and her legs out in front of her. She tried to move, but the restraints were secured tightly. He then left and stood outside the room.

Tears were streaming down Natalia's face as Ivan walked toward her. He looked like he was ready to do what he wanted to do.

_"_ _I hope you enjoyed your bread, Natalia,"_  he said. He then began preparing one of the syringes.

Seeing the needle at the end of it, Natalia squirmed even more. Whatever was in it, it wasn't going to be good.

The second Ivan pushed the needle into her arm, memories flooded her mind. Draykov's daughter, Sao Paulo, the hospital fire, Ivan turning her into the Black Widow. She closed her eyes, not wanting to remember anymore, but a hand forcefully gripped her forearm and her eyes opening to see Ivan standing in front of her. He then began to speak in English.

"You're name is Natalia Romanova. The Black Widow. SHIELD wants to kill you."

"No, that's not true. My name is Natasha Romanoff!" she cried

Ivan's face was filled with rage as he forcefully undid the restraints. He then pulled her from the chair and took her back to her room. A few minutes later, he was back. In his hand, he was gripping the metal rod.

"No! Ivan, please don't do this to me!" she pleaded. Ivan didn't care, he began to beat her.

"Your name is Natalia Romanova, not Natasha Romanoff!" he shouted at her as he brought the rod down on her back.

"It's not true! I am Natasha Romanoff!" she shouted back. This made Ivan hit her even harder. She even felt the rod hit her spine. She screamed. Ivan hit her again, and even harder.

_"_ _You will obey me, Natalia!_ " he said to her as he pulled her up and threw her back down. A piercing scream escaped Natalia's lips. She had had enough of this.

Ivan left the room and slammed the door behind her. He then spoke the guard.

_"_ _She will obey. I will make her obey."_


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The italics in this chapter are not meant to be in Russian. They are a flashback. Also, they are taken from chapter 4 of "Keep Her Safe", which is the fist story in this series.

Han, Steve, and Officer Kennedy were desperately trying to find Natasha. The three of them had been working nonstop in the underground sanctum that was located in Leia's garden. It was similar to a lab at SHIELD, but it had 3 state of the art computers that could track just about anything including sand people. Unfortunately, there were no signs of Natasha anywhere. Steve was getting more worried every day. It had been about 2 weeks since Ivan had taken her and Steve was starting to fear the worst. Ivan could turn her back to be the Black Widow, torture her, or worse, he could have killed her by now. Whatever the case may be, Steve had to find her and Ivan needed to be killed.

His thoughts were interrupted when his cell phone went off. It was Clint.

"Hey, Cap," Clint said. His voice sounded a little bit worn out.

"Barton, are you alright?" Steve asked.

"Yeah, sorry, I was doing a training session with a new agent."

"I see. How's everything else going back at SHIELD? Is Coulson mad at me yet?" Steve asked.

"He misses you and Romanoff a lot. Other than that, things are going OK."

"I miss her too, Clint. I'm losing sleep over this."

"Same here. Have you found out where she is yet?'

"Not even close. We can't find any leads," Steve replied.

"Where are you located?"

"I'm staying with Han and Leia. They're helping me keep my head up."

"That's good. Hey, Cap, I have to go. Keep me posted. I'm ready to watch Ivan fall to his death."

"Me too Barton. I'll make sure to call you when we find him." He then hung up.

Tossing his cell phone on the bed in the guest room that he was staying in, Steve sat down and put his head in his hands. The next thing he knew, a few tears were forming in his eyes. He let them fall as he started saying things out loud to himself.

"I'll find you, Natasha. I'll bring you home. This will all be over soon."

* * *

(2 weeks later)

It was the middle of the first week of November, and still no sign of Natasha.

Also, to add to the problem, Alderaan had a raid on Monday, meaning that now Kennedy was tied up with the aftermath. Everyone was safe, but all were wounded. The worst was Leia. Not only did she suffer a severe gunshot wound to her leg, but she was severely traumatized by the events of it because she also had gotten a 2nd degree burn in the same area. Because of this, she would be in the hospital for a few days. Since she was scared and needed someone close by her for comfort, Han was not able to help either. Steve's hope of finding her was going down and fast. For all he knew, Natasha could be dead by now.

"No she's not dead. I'll find her!" he shouted to himself in his room.

Clint called again, but Steve ignored it. His was too deep in thought about Natasha. He was even struggling to focus as he ate dinner by himself. His eyes were more focused on the picture of Natasha after he had given her the necklace. It looked so beautiful around her neck and with her red hair. He then started to think about what he said to her on that day.

_"Natasha, I want you to know that I do love you, but part of me isn't ready to say that word just yet. This necklace is me saying 'I love you'"_

_"What do you mean when you say that you care?" Natasha asked as Steve was putting the necklace around her neck._

_"It's the only way that I can verbally express my love to you."_

_"I see," Natasha said taking Steve's hands. "Well then, I want you to know that I love you as well, but I'll wait until you are ready to say it. For now, I care too."_

_"Ok." Steve then leaned over and the two of them kissed and embraced each other._

Clint called again. This time, Steve answered it.

"Cap, why didn't you pick up earlier? You had me worried for a while."

"Sorry, my mind is just so scattered right now. We still haven't found Natasha yet. Plus, Alderaan had a huge raid 2 days ago. Leia's in the hospital recovering. Han and Kennedy are tied up as well," Steve explained.

"Sorry to hear that. Hope she gets better."

"Thanks. I'll try and keep you posted."

"Are you getting any closer since I last asked you?" Clint asked.

"Not really."

"I see."

Suddenly, an idea formed in Steve's head.

"Barton, get to Alderaan. Stat. I'll explain when you get here."

"Copy that, Cap. I'm on my way." Clint then hung up. Packed a few clothes, and headed out the door.

* * *

"And just where do you think you are going, Agent?" Coulson asked as Clint was grabbing a quiver of arrows from the training room.

"Alderaan, Sir. Steve called me. He needs my help," Clint explained. Coulson sighed.

"Fine, just come back in one piece. It's bad enough that Cap and Romanoff are gone. I can't afford to lose another good agent. "

"I'll come back, and hopefully with Natasha." Clint then left the base.

* * *

"Alright, Cap, what's your plan?" Clint said as he and Steve boarded a train heading out of Alderaan.

"We are going to Russia ourselves and we are going to find Natasha and we won't stop searching until we find her," Steve explained.

"How do you know she's in Russia?"

"Well, where else would Ivan take her?" Steve asked.

"True. Does Han know about this?"

"Kind of. He's wrapped up Leia, so his mind is scattered too."

"Speaking of Leia, is she OK?" Clint asked.

"Yeah, her leg will heal quickly, but she's been traumatized by all of it."

"I see."

* * *

The following day, Steve and Clint stepped off the train and walked through the streets of Stalingrad, Russia.

"Where do we start?" Clint asked as they were putting their bags inside their hotel room.

"We first start by finding where Ivan is located. Then I watch you send an arrow through Ivan's heart and fall to the ground. We then rescue Natasha and get out of here," Steve explained.

"Alright then, let's get started."

Their search would begin tomorrow. First, they needed to get a much needed good night's rest.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter does get a little more graphic than in chapter 6, so be advised, Also the italics in this chapter are meant to be said in Russian.

Natalia was immediately awakened when a bucket of ice cold water was dumped onto her bruised and whipped back. A loud shriek escaped her lips.

_"_ _Get up.!_  Ivan shouted at her.

Natalia was only able to make it to her hands and knees. Her body was shaking from the cold water.

She began to cough.

_"_ _I said get up!"_   Ivan shouted, his metal rod hitting the floor.

With great effort, Natalia made it up onto her feet, however she wasn't stable. She was shivering heavily. Water was dripping from her hair and from the torn black outfit that she wore. Her cough got louder.

_"_ _Come with me. Now!"_  

Natalia couldn't move. She was too weak and shaken. She was about ready to fall over and faint.

_"_ _I said come!"_   Ivan said as he forcefully grabbed her arm. He then dragged her out the door, down the stairs, and into the same room as he had done before. He ordered his guards to tie her wrists to the hanging ropes yet again.

Natalia struggled and coughed loudly as the ropes were slipped on and tightened around her small wrists. Her feet were also struggling to stay stable.

_"_ _Enough!"_ The guard shouted at her.

Once the guards were finished restraining her and forcing her to stay still, Ivan came forward. Natalia put her head down. She knew what was coming.

_"_ _Now, I shall try this again. What is your name?"_

_"_ _Natasha Romanoff,"_  she responded, her voice strained from coughing. Ivan raised his rod and struck her back. She screamed.

_"_ _Say your name!"_ he shouted at her.

_"_ _Natasha Romanoff!"_

Ivan was filled with rage as he struck her back, and it wasn't lightly.

He wouldn't hear of it.

_"_ _Your name is Natalia Romanova. Not Natasha Romanoff!"_   he shouted at her.

After 2 more hard hits, a guard came in the room and handed Ivan a leather whip. His hand curled tightly around the handle as he walked back to Natalia, who was struggling to breathe. She was still shaking heavily from the ice water.

Very harshly, he whipped Natalia about 10 times. By now, her back was not just covered in bruises, it also showed evidence of Ivan's whip. This was probably about the 10th whipping she had received since Ivan had captured her.

_"Your name is Natalia Romanova. Not Natasha Romanoff!"_   he said to her again.

_"_ _It's not true. I am Natasha Romanoff!"  s_ he shouted back with whatever voice she had.

Another 10 lashes from the whip, along with more screams escaping her lips.

_"_ _Say your name!"_  he said for the third time that night.

She was growing weaker by the minute.

Finally she gave in.

_"_ _Natalia Romanova,"_  she whispered.

_"_ _Louder,"_ Ivan said as he whipped her a few more times.

_"_ _Natalia Romanova."_ It was a little louder, but Ivan still wasn't happy.

_"_ _Speak up, Natalia. I can't hear you.,_  he said along with whipping her more.

_"_ _Natalia Romanova."_ Her voice wasn't quite a shout, so Ivan could hear her, but he still wasn't satisfied.

_"_ _I said louder!"_  

More lashes of the whip.

_"_ _Natalia Romanova!"_ she rose her voice a little higher.

_"_ _Shout it out, Natalia!"_ He whipped her yet again. Natalia assumed she had been whipped at least 30 times that night. With all the strength she had left in her body, she shouted the name Ivan wanted her to say.

_"_ _Natalia Romanova!"_

_"_ _Much better."_ He then undid the ropes from her wrists and dragged her back to her room.

Inside the room, he threw her on the ground. She didn't move.

_"_ _Get some rest, Natalia. You need your strength for tomorrow."_ He then went out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

As Natalia lay on the ground in agonizing pain, she heard Ivan turn the key on the door, locking her in. She looked up at the boarded window with teary eyes. She was still clinging on to the hope that Steve was out there looking for her.

* * *

The next day, Ivan was back in the room. Natalia was still very weak and in pain from the night before.

_"_ _Up, Natalia,"_ he said harshly and sternly. She was unmoving.

_"_ _I said stand up!"_ he shouted as he yet again grabbed her arm and pulled her up. She winced in pain and her teeth were clenched as Ivan's hand grabbed her wounded shoulder and dragged her out of the room.

In the same room that she had seen one too many times, Ivan forcefully pushed her into the chair and restrained her as tightly as he could. Natalia tried to move, but it was no use. The restraints were so tight that they began dig into her wrists and ankles.

Tears were falling down her face as Ivan once again injected the chemical into her arm. Her heart started beating rapidly as memories of her past were again flooding her mind. She closed her eyes, but Ivan saw it and slapped her face.

_"_ _You will watch, Natalia,"_  he said sternly. He then injected her again.

More memories flooded her mind. Memories of her being shot in Odessa by the Winter Soldier, the KGB, Budapest, Osaka, Ivan beating her as a young child when she didn't obey.

They wouldn't stop flooding her mind.

She screamed.

_"_ _Silence!"_ Ivan shouted as he again slapped her face with his hand. She winced as her head jerked to the side.

Tears were heavily falling down her face. All of those horrible memories of her past had scared her.

She began to tense up.

Noticing her body movement, Ivan put his hand on her shoulder.

_"_ _Be still, Natalia. It will all be over soon."_

_"_ _Please make it stop."_ Natalia pleaded. Ivan's grip tightened around her wounded shoulder. Her body would not relax, no matter how soothing Ivan was trying to be. She was scared.

She was shaken.


	9. Chapter 9

They were getting closer to finding her.

Or so they thought.

According to Russian civilians, they knew who Ivan was, but they didn't know where in Stalingrad he was located. It was a bit of a challenge to talk to anyone because either their English was a bunch of sentences, or they didn't speak it at all. Steve's hope of finding her was continuing to go down. Even Clint was starting to lose hope.

As they were sitting down at a restaurant to grab a bite to eat, Clint explained to Steve more about who Ivan was and how he was related to Natasha.

"Ivan Petrovich took Natasha in has his own daughter when her parents were killed in a fire to their own home that was set by the Nazis. However he turned on her and forced her into the KGB. He also owns an academy called the Red Room. The Red Room is where he trained her to become the Black Widow."

"How did she escape?" Steve asked as the waitress set down their plates of food.

"I was sent by Nick Fury to kill her, but instead I made a different call. I brought her back to SHIELD and nursed her back to something that was normal. Then, after a long and loud conversation, he allowed her to stay and I became her SO. Eventually, I became her first and only partner. I became a partner that she could trust."

"So what does Ivan want with her now?"

"Ever since I got her out of the Red Room, Ivan's always been after her. He wants to turn her back to who she was when he first trained her, an assassin for hire, killing for pleasure. He would then brainwash her so she wouldn't remember any of it, but somehow she did remember, and now, I think there's a possibility that he wants to kill her instead if he hasn't already," Clint explained.

Steve listened intently as Clint also filled him on when Ivan attempted to kill Natasha as he was forced to watch.

"He had her pinned to the ground on her back and he had a knife to her throat. He was smiling as if he was excited about what he was doing. All Natasha could do was lay there and stare into his sinister eyes. I could hear Natasha's pleas for help as I was being restrained by two of Ivan's men."

"How did she get out of it?' Steve asked.

"Well, she almost didn't. Ivan drew the knife harshly across her throat. She lay there limp and almost lifeless as Ivan came toward me. He wanted to kill me too. However, I didn't let it get that far. I finally was able to break free of his guards' grips and take both of them out. I attacked Ivan, but was unsuccessful. He knocked me down to the ground hard. I was out for about thirty seconds. By the time I came to, Ivan had taken off. I tried to go after him, but failed. His vehicle was already gone."

"And Natasha?"

"She was in and out of consciousness by the time I got back into the building where we were located. I quickly knelt down her side and looked at the wound. It was bleeding out heavily. If I didn't' put pressure on it when I did, she would have bled out right there on the floor and died."

"Oh my gosh!" Steve exclaimed.

"Yeah, she had nightmares about it for about a week. She also still has a scar on her neck that will never go away. "

"I think I've seen it before, but I've never asked her about it." Steve said.

"Most of the time she tries to keep it covered."

"Now I clearly understand why you want to watch Ivan fall to his death, because he forced you to watch Natasha nearly get killed."

Clint nodded.

As they were leaving the restaurant, Steve's cell phone went off. It was an anonymous text that contained 5 different numbers and a random name.

On their way out the door, Steve asked the waiter who was standing at the counter what the numbers meant.

"It's an address to a warehouse not far from here," he explained.

"Thank you, Sir," Steve said.

After getting directions on how to get to this particular warehouse, he and Clint then bolted out of the restaurant door and took off running,

The guy at the restaurant was right. The numbers did indeed belong to a warehouse, but there was no sign that said it was.

"Could this be a trap?" Clint asked.

"I don't know. Stay close," Steve responded as he took his shield off his back. Clint drew his bow and an arrow and the two cautiously approached the door.

As they got closer to the door, they could hear the commotion inside. They heard machines running, people talking, and things being slammed around.

Then they heard it.

It was a scream.

And it was high-pitched.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hold onto your seats. Things get very dramatic in this chapter.

Natalia was instantly awakened when she felt Ivan's rod on her back. In all of her days of being held captive by him and beaten, this was the first time that he woken her in the middle of the night and just started beating her with no warning. She lay on her stomach in extreme pain as Ivan continued to beat her.

 _"_ _Get up!"_ he shouted at her harshly.

She couldn't move. Ivan had beaten her way too many times.

 _"_ _I told you to get up!"_ he shouted at her as he forcefully grabbed her arm, digging his hand into her wounded shoulder. She cried out.

 _"_ _Enough, Natalia!"_ he shouted at her as he drug her back to that horrible room for probably the 15th time. Very forcefully, he tied her wrists above her head and began to whip her with his leather whip. She screamed a high-pitched screams as she felt the whip hit one of the heavily wounded areas.

 _"_ _Say your name to me,"_ he spoke to her sternly.

 _"_ _Not again, Ivan. Please no! Why must you do this to me?"_ she pleaded with him. He then whipped her a few more times.

 _"_ _You will obey me, Natalia. You belong to me and I can do whatever I want."_ Ivan answered back.

 _"_ _I do not belong to you. My name is Natasha Romanoff, and I am an Agent of SHIELD!"  s_ he stated. She then felt more lashes on her back.

 _"_ _Your name is Natalia Romanova, and you are the Black Widow. SHIELD wants to kill you!"_ Ivan stated back to her harshly. He then retrieved his rod from where he had set it on the ground and began to beat her with it yet again.

 _"_ _Now, say your name to me,"_ he said to her.

Natasha didn't want to answer him. She was tired of having to go through with this. She already stated to Ivan a few nights ago that her she was Natalia Romanova. Why would he want her to say it again?

 _"_ _Natalia…"_ she began weakly. Just then, the door was opened and the guard that stood outside her door each and every night came in.

 _"_ _We have company,"_ he said sternly.

Natalia turned her head toward the guard as Ivan dropped the rod to the door. He did not look happy about being interrupted.

 _"_ _Sir, what should we do? Its two guys. One has a shield and the other has a bow and arrow."_

Natalia immediately knew that it was Clint and Steve. They had finally found her and were coming to send Ivan to his death and get her out of here.

 _"_ _Bring her back to her room and tie her to a chair. I'll deal with her when I finish off these two intruders,"_ Ivan commanded. He then grabbed a gun from one of the nearby tables and headed out the door to meet the two intruders who were probably coming to take Natalia from him.

Meanwhile, the guard undid the straps that were around Natalia's wrists and dragged her up the stairs back to her room.

 _"_ _No, please no! Don't do this to me. Let me go!"_ she shouted as the guard slammed her body into the chair. She squirmed as he tightly wrapped a rope around her midsection, trapping her wounded arms inside and securing it tightly with multiple knots behind her back. He then bound her legs, which were also wounded, to the bottom of the chair. Once he was sure that she wasn't able to move, he stood outside the door and waited for Ivan to return.

* * *

"Greetings Captain,"Ivan said with his deep voice.

"Where is she?" Steve asked with gritted teeth.

"Natalia belongs to me," Ivan responded sternly.

"It's Natasha!" Clint stated, pointing an arrow at Ivan's chest. Ivan just smiled.

"You can't defeat me, archer. Neither of you can."

"Guess again, Ivan," Clint said as he pulled back the string.

Ivan wasted no time in reacting. He quickly pointed his gun at Clint and cocked it.

"You wouldn't," Clint said as he lowered his bow.

"Oh, yes I would," Ivan said as he placed his finger on the trigger.

Steve pushed Clint out of the way, but not before Ivan was able to send two bullets into his chest. He fell to the ground.

Ivan laughed.

"Steve!" Clint gasped as he knelt down by his side. One look at the wound instantly reminded him of when he was by Natasha's side, watching her bleed out from Ivan's knife many years ago.

"Barton, finish him. Find Natasha," Steve said weakly.

Unconsciousness then pulled him under.

Acting quickly, Clint called Russian emergency service to come and help. In his distraction, he didn't see Ivan leave the room, gun in hand. He then quickly got up and went after him.

* * *

Natalia struggled against the ropes that bound her, but her body wouldn't allow it and the ropes were too tight. The next thing she knew, the door was busted open and Ivan came in, his gun pointed directly at her.

 _"_ _No. Please no! Ivan, don't this to me. Please!"_ Natalia pleaded.

Ivan then cocked the gun.

She closed her eyes for she knew she was going to die. Then, she heard something. It was the sound of someone falling to the ground. Very slowly, she opened her eyes to look. A familiar face was kneeing in front of her, staring into her eyes.

"Clint?" she said weakly.

"It's ok, Nat. I'm here. It's all over. He can't hurt you anymore." he spoke soothingly.

"Steve?" she asked.

"Shh, just take it easy. It's OK." With his eyes still trained on her, he then began to cut the ropes that restrained her. First he broke the ropes that bound her legs. Then he began to cut the ropes around her midsection.

Right as he was bringing the rope over her head to free her, she fell forward, nearly knocking him off balance,

"Nat!" he gasped with a panicked voice. He then carefully slid her off the chair and onto the floor, put his arms around her to steady her and held her tight. She flinched as his hands touched her wounds.

He could feel the lash marks and the welts that were on her back. Tears were forming in his eyes as he held her while she cried into his shoulder.

She looked broken.

"Shh, you're safe now," he whispered.

A few minutes later, when her sobs were quiet and her breaths were coming up short, Clint carefully and quickly slipped one of her arms around his shoulder and he slipped his arm under her knees. With gentle care, he stood up and walked out of the room, holding her tightly in his arms.

She was weak as Clint carried her out. Her head was resting on his shoulder. She was struggling to keep her arm around his neck. Her breaths were short. She was starting to drift in and out of consciousness.

"Clint..." she said weakly.

"Hang in there, Nat. I've got you. You're going to be OK. Just hang on to me."

He continued to whisper to her as he walked down the stairs.

* * *

In the main room of the warehouse, Russian EMT's were already placing an unconscious Steve onto a gurney and hooking him up to a respirator. He was severely wounded from Ivan's gun.

"Guys, I need help here!" he shouted as he walked in.

Very quickly, another gurney was brought in. Clint carefully laid Natasha down on the soft pad. She winced in pain.

"Easy, Nat. You're going to be alright. I'm right here," he said as he took her hand.

She then turned her head and got a glimpse of Steve being wheeled into ambulance.

"Steve!" she gasped as she tried to reach her hand out. A pain wave shot through her body.

"Easy, Nat. Just hang on," Clint said.

"What's happening to him? Is he OK?"

"He'll be fine. He's going to be fine."

"No. Please no!" she cried.

He still held her hand as the EMT's wheeled her gurney into another ambulance.

Inside the ambulance, the EMT's worked as quickly as they could, hooking Natasha to an IV and a respirator. Her breaths were even shorter and her blood pressure was dropping.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) Things get very serious in this chapter. Hold on to your seats.   
> 2) Anything in italics is meant to be spoken in Russian.   
> 3) Natasha will be called Natasha since Ivan's story is over.   
> 4) Slava is a male Russian name.

_"_ _Clear! Clear the hall!"_

Two other EMT's and Clint were practically running down the hallway of the emergency room. Natasha was fading fast. A doctor, who's name tag Slava, came out and met them.

_"_ _Vitals?"_

_"_ _BP's 105 over 60 and dropping fast. Heart rate at 53 beats per minute. She's lost at least a pint of blood, maybe more. It's unclear,"_ one of the EMT's explained.

"Clint!" Natasha gasped. By now, her breaths were even shorter than before. She was fighting to keep her eyes open, however she still kept her grip on Clint's hand, or tried to.

"Hang on, Nat. It's going to be OK. I'm right here. Just focus on me," he responded to her as one of his hands moved to her forehead.

"I'm sorry, sir, only patients are allowed beyond this point," Dr. Slava said in surprisingly good English.

"Clint! No! Please don't leave me!" Natasha gasped, still trying to hold on. She was also beginning to drift again.

"It's alright, Nat. I'll be right here," Clint said.

They were eventually separated.

Tears were forming in his eyes as his best friend and partner was being rolled through the doors and down the hallway, still crying out for him to be near her. He wanted to, but he had to listen to hospital rules.

_"_ _What's her BP at now?"  o_ ne of the nurses in the operating room asked.

_"_ _90 over 50 and still dropping."_

_"_ _Heart rate?"_

Just then, a machine started beeping rapidly.

Then it was one long continuous wail.

_"_ _She's flat lining! Hurry up with the defibrillator!"_   Dr. Slava shouted.

The nurses and doctor, who just came back in, worked quickly to get the defibrillator hooked up to Natasha's lifeless body.

_"_ _Start it at 100. Ready? 3. 2. 1. Clear!"_

No pulse.

_"_ _Charge it to 150! 3. 2. 1. Clear!"_

Again, no pulse.

_"_ _Charge to 200! 3. 2. 1. Clear!"_

Nothing.

_"_ _Charge to 250! 3 2.-"_

_"Slava,_ _she's extremely underweight. The shock could do severe internal damage."_

Dr. Slava thought about what he was going to do. He was torn. In front of him, a young woman lay unmoving on the operating table. He wanted to save her, but the nurse was right. The higher the charge, the less of the chance they had to save her because of her weight.

_"_ _Keep it at 200. Ready? 3. 2. 1. Clear!"_

At last, a pulse.

_"_ _Good job guys, let's see if we can get a look at her back."_

Very carefully, the nurses flipped Natasha over to take a look.

What they saw made them want to throw up. Natasha's entire back was covered in bruises, welts, and whip marks.

As quickly as possible, they ran back and forth through the room, cleaning her wounds and covering them with bandages. They also were able to retrieve her weight, and it wasn't good. They then carefully lifted her onto a clean bed and wheeled her out of the operating room and into a private room located in the trauma center.

* * *

Clint waited anxiously for an answer. He was worried deeply about both Natasha and Steve. Both were still in the operating room, however Steve had been in there longer. By now, he already alerted Han and their doctor, the same doctor that saved Natasha's left arm, Dr. Gale Anderson. He even agreed to take a leave of absence from Alderaan to come to Russia and be Natasha and Steve's doctor.

Minutes later, a doctor came into the room where Clint had been waiting.

"Mr. Barton?" he asked. Clint immediately stood up.

"It's Agent Barton." Clint politely corrected him.

"Agent, my apologies. I'm Dr. Slava."

"How is she?" Clint asked right away after shaking the doctor's hand.

"The next 24 hours are crucial. She's in very serious condition. Her blood pressure dropped way below the normal numbers for someone her age. She lost at least a pint or more of blood. Also, she's extremely malnourished and underweight. We have a feeding tube hooked to her as well as an IV and respirator. She did go flat line for about 10 minutes, but we were able to save her."

"Oh my gosh!" Clint gasped.

"At this point, I'm not sure she's going to make it."

A few tears formed in Clint's eyes, but he wouldn't let them fall.

"Doctor, what about her fiance, Captain Steve Rogers?"

"He's in a coma right now. The bullets severely damaged his left lung. He's going to need a new one in order to survive." Dr. Slava explained.

"How soon?"

"As soon as possible. I've already alerted the Russian Organ Donation Center."

Clint nodded his head that he understood.

"Doctor, can I please see Natasha? I want to be there if she wakes up. She's going to be scared if no one's there for her."

"Of course. Please follow me," Dr. Slava replied kindly. He then led Clint down the hall and into the trauma center

"Because of her condition and where she is located, I can only allow one visitor at a time," he explained.

"That's fine, however I do have a doctor that's coming in to help out if he is able. Can he be in the room too?" Clint asked.

"Yes, that is fine. I just need to see an ID. Sorry, it's protocol here."

"I understand."

He then opened the door to Natasha's room. Clint took a breath and then stepped inside. Meanwhile, the doctor remained by the door in order to give Clint some privacy.

Clint couldn't believe what he saw. His partner and best friend lay motionless on the bed with multiple tubes sticking out of her. He assumed that they were the IV, the respirator, and the feeding tube. As he walked closer to the bed, his eyes were directed to the heart rate monitor that showed her heart rate. It read 65 beats per minute.

She was alive, but still in danger.

After giving Clint a few minutes, Dr. Slava came up beside him to make sure things were going OK. He then began to speak.

"She's more stable than when she first came in, but she's still in danger. There is severe, and I mean severe internal damage. It could be a very long time before she is completely healed. Umm, if you don't mind my asking, what happened to her?"

"A man named Ivan Petrovich. He captured her back in the United States, which is where we are from, brought her to Russia, and tortured her for a month," Clint explained.

"I'm so sorry."

"Thank you."

Dr. Slava quietly left the room and closed the door.

After taking in a deep breath and slowly letting it out, he sat down in the chair that was next to the bed. Very carefully, he picked up Natasha's right hand and held it in his. It had a few small bruises on it.

"I'm right here, Nat. It's going to be OK. You're safe now," he spoke as he fought back tears and kissed her bruised forehead.

It hurt him emotionally to look at her. From what he could see, her body was covered in bruises, whip marks, and welts. Her shoulders looked almost a dark gray because of the intensity of the bruises that were there. The fact that she had severe internal damage made things even scarier for him. He couldn't imagine how much torture Ivan had inflicted on her. He didn't even want to think about what her back looked like. Right now, he didn't care about that. He just wanted to sit there in the room and be there for her when she woke up.

That is if she ever did.


	12. Chapter 12

Agent Coulson was miserable.

Never in his career as an agent had he ever gone off on a fellow agent, let alone a close friend. It has been about a month since Steve left to go and find Natasha. He had to apologize to him. He knew it. He couldn't live with himself if he didn't.

When he had a few minutes, he called Steve's cell phone. Unfortunately, there was no answer and he didn't want to put this in a voice message. He then decided to try Clint.

"Yes, Sir?" Clint answered, his voice a little raspy from tears.

"Agent, how are things going? Is everything OK?"

"Not good, Sir. Steve and I did find where Ivan was holding Natasha, and well it didn't end like we wanted it to."

"What happened?"

"Well, Ivan shot Steve twice in the chest and severely damaged his left lung. He needs a new one to survive. As far as Natasha, she's severely beaten and underweight. The doctor didn't tell me her exact weight, but she doesn't look good at all. There's a chance she might not make it," Clint explained as he tried to fight back tears. The thought that Natasha might die made him upset.

Tears were forming in Coulson's eyes. He could not believe what he was hearing.

"How soon does Steve need the new lung?" he finally asked.

"As soon as possible, the doctor here has already contacted a donor organization to help start the process."

"OK, I'll ask around here at the base. We need him back. Romanoff too."

"Thank you, Sir."

"Are you hurt?" Coulson asked.

"Not physically, just emotionally. Every time I look at Natasha, it makes me upset. I haven't seen Steve yet because I'm afraid that Natasha will wake up and I'm not here. She didn't want me to leave her when we first got here," Clint explained.

"I see. Well, I have to get going. Keep me posted."

"I will," Clint then hung up the phone.

Now Coulson was REALLY mad at himself.

His best assassin was severely wounded, underweight, and worst of all, she might not live to ever fight again. On top of that, his captain, the greatest soldier in history, needed a new lung in order to survive. He sat in his office chair for the next few minutes and cried. Maria Hill came in, but he didn't want to talk to anyone. He was too upset about his two agents. Part of him wanted to go where they were located and be by their sides, but he couldn't leave.

Once his tears had somewhat ceased, He got on his computer and opened a new email page and clicked on every person in contact list. He then began to type:

Attention all SHIELD and STRIKE team: I have a favor to ask of you. Your fellow agent, Captain Steve Rogers left SHIELD one month ago to find and rescue his partner, Agent Natasha Romanoff, who was taken captive by someone from her past. Unfortunately, I have both good and bad news to report. The good news is that with the help of Agent Clint Barton, Captain Rogers was able to locate where she was taken to. The bad news is that he was severely wounded by two gunshot wounds to his chest. He actually needs a new lung in order to survive and return to duty. I am requesting all of you to be tested at a local hospital to see if you are a potential match. Also, please pass the word to you friends and family. Let's bring our captain home.

Agent Phil Coulson

After sending the email, he resumed writing the report from his latest mission.

While he was writing, his inbox began to flood with responses. Some asked about Agent Romanoff's condition (which he responded with one sentence, might not make it), some said they would go and get tested, and some said that they couldn't wait to see them back again. He couldn't wait to have them back either.

His team wasn't complete without them.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK guys, things get really scary in this chapter. Hold on to your seats. Also, there's a little bit of Russian, which is in italics

(2 days later)

Dr. Gale Anderson was in shock when he walked inside Natasha's room. He had already been granted permission by the hospital to be her and Steve's primary doctor. He was going to do everything he could to help both of them recover quickly and go home, since he knew that neither of them, more specifically Natasha, didn't want to be in Russia at all.

"Doctor, thank you again for coming. It means a lot to me and I'm sure Steve and Natasha would say the same thing," Clint said.

"Not a problem. I'm so sorry this happened."

"Thank you."

"I spoke to Dr. Slava already and he told me everything. One of the things that he did mention to me was her weight. Clint, Natasha weights about 100 pounds right now. The last time I weighed her, she was 130. She's extremely malnourished. It could be awhile before she weighs that much again."

"Was he able to tell you how much blood she lost?"

"He guesses about a pint and half, or more. It's hard to tell with whip wounds, however considering the number of times she was whipped, it's a good estimate," Dr. Anderson explained.

Clint nodded as Dr. Anderson was checking Natasha's body temperature. The next thing he knew, an alarm was going off.

"Doctor, what's happening?"

"Watch out, Clint, she's on fire."

"What?"

"Her temperature is spiking, I have to cool her down. Grab the door for me when I come by," Dr. Anderson responded.

Clint jogged to the door and watched in panic as Dr. Anderson quickly yanked out the needles from Natasha's arms, throw back the covers, scoop his arm under her legs and one around her neck, and lifted her out of the bed. He then rushed out of the rom the second Clint had the door opened wide enough for him to get out.

_"_ _Code red! Code red!"_ He shouted in Russian. Immediately, two doctors and a few nurses followed him.

_"_ _What happened?"_

_"_ _Her temperature is spiked sky high."_

_"_ _Alright, lets' get her in water. Stat!"_ one of the nurses answered.

Clint followed behind and tried to listen to what was being said. Unfortunately, everyone was speaking in Russian, including Dr. Anderson.

He paced back and forth nervously outside the room where Dr. Anderson had taken her into. There was one window in the door, but he couldn't see her. Doctors and nurses were blocking his view. He was scared for her. He was scared that she would die from this temperature spike, or in other words, heat exhaustion.

* * *

_"Hold her head,"_   one of the nurses said to Dr. Anderson. He then held Natasha's head as the nurses and other two doctors lowered her into a tub of cold water.

_"Gently guys. Gently."_

Very carefully and rapidly, the small group began to use their hands to hold the rest of her body and splash cold water onto her. As they were doing this, Dr. Anderson was intently watching the screen that read Natasha's body temperature. Currently, it was 106. When she was still in her room, it was 105.5.

_"She's not cooling down,"_  he spoke.

Another nurse was called in and she came up with a bucket of ice. She poured it into the tub to make the water cooler. However it wasn't helping. Natasha's temperature was now up to 106.5.

_"What do we do? It won't stop climbing!"_

Dr. Anderson though for a few seconds. He knew that if Natasha reached 110, she would die. Meanwhile, another bucked of ice was being poured in.

_"Someone, take my spot. I'll be back. I have an idea," '_ he said. The nurse who was pouring the ice dropped the bucket on the ground and took his spot while he left the room to find Clint.

* * *

He almost ran face first into Clint when he stepped out of the room.

"Doctor, is she alright?"

"No, I need you to help. Come inside."

Clint followed him into the room. He then was directed to knee by Natasha's head, where he took over.

"Clint, I need you to just start talking to her calmly. She might hear you and cool down," Dr. Anderson explained. He then quickly got another bucket of ice and poured it in.

Clint glanced at the screen that showed Natasha's current temperature. It was an alarming 107.5. He then looked down at her face. Her eyes were closed. She was pale, bruised, and very warm to the touch.

Holding her head, he began to speak soothingly.

"Nat, I'm here. It's going to be OK. They're going to help you. You'll get through this."

"It's starting to drop slowly. Keep going, Clint," Dr. Anderson said.

"Nat, I'm right here. I'm not leaving until you are through this. You're going to be OK. Come on. I know you can do this."

_"What's it down to, Doctor?"_ one of nurses asked.

_"105. We need to get it as close to normal or at normal if possible."_

Another bucket of ice was added in. The group kept slashing water onto her lifeless body while Clint kept talking to her, desperately hoping she would hear him.

"We're almost there. She's at 102. You're doing great, Clint," Dr. Anderson said.

"Come on, Nat. I know can do this. I'm right here. I'm not leaving you. You'll be OK."

Finally, after 10 minutes and 4 buckets of ice later, the group finally got Natasha's body temperature to 98.6. Clint sighed when he saw the numbers on the screen. He did it. He was able to calm her down with his words, just like he always had.

"Great job everyone. Go ahead and dry her off and I'll take her back to her room."

He then took over for Clint and helped lift Natasha's wet body out of the water. That's when he got a look at her back. What he saw made his heart stop. It was covered with deep whip marks, severely dark bruises, and bright red welts. He couldn't believe how much damage Ivan had done to her.

* * *

Once Natasha was changed into a dry gown and her wounds were covered with fresh bandages, Dr. Anderson carefully carried her back to the room. He then carefully laid her on the bed, pushed the wet hair away from her face, and pulled the covers up over her to keep her warm since her skin was cold from the water. He then began to explain to Clint what happened.

"Clint, what you just witnessed is an anxiety attack caused by heat exhaustion. If not caught right away, the body temperature would continue to increase and instantly kill her, even if the body is hooked up to a respirator. My guess is she must've heard you because it worked. She's somewhat out of danger. There's still the internal injuries that need to heal, as well as a lot of the external injuries like you just saw."

"I was so frightened as I spoke, but I did it. I did it for her."

"You did great," Dr. Anderson responded as he patted Clint on the back.

"I'm going to check on Steve. I haven't seen him since I got here. By the way, I didn't know you knew Russian," Clint said.

"Yeah, before I worked on Alderaan, I worked here as an intern and I had to learn it in order to talk to people."

"That's cool."

"Thanks. Hey, I have to check on Steve anyway, so I'll see you in there." He then left the room after giving Clint one more pat on the back.

After giving Natasha a kiss on the forehead and taking a couple deep breaths, he went down to where Steve was.

As he walked down the hall, he pulled his phone from his pocked and checked his email. That's when he saw Coulson's email to everyone in SHIELD.

"Thanks, Coulson," he said to himself. He then walked in the room.

* * *

Steve lay peacefully in the bed, hooked to a respirator just like Natasha. Meanwhile, Dr. Anderson was already in there, making sure everything was going OK, which it was.

"Doctor, I forgot to ask, is Natasha breathing on her own yet?"

"Actually yes, so I guess she heard you."

A smile appeared across his face.

"What about him. Any updates?"

"Well, according to Dr. Slava, they're still looking for a donor. I emailed Officer Kennedy and he's asking everyone on Alderaan. He's also being tested too," Dr. Anderson explained.

"Coulson emailed everyone in SHIELD. I hope we can find one soon."

"I hope so too." He responded. He then left the room.

After spending a few more minutes in Steve's room. Clint left the room, went to the cafeteria for a bite to eat since he hadn't eaten since earlier that days. He then went back to Natasha's room, sat down by her side and waited.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably one of my favorite chapters of this entire story. Enjoy! Also, there's a little Russian in this chapter.

(1 week later)

Natasha slowly opened her eyes. She was dizzy, cold, and weak. She didn't know where she was. All she knew is that she couldn't move. The last thing she remembered was a rod beating her back multiple times.

"Clint," she whispered. She tried to mover her hand to his shoulder, but because of her weakness, she couldn't get her arm to cooperate.

"Clint?" she whispered weakly.

Clint then looked over and saw her. She had her eyes half open.

Hey, Nat," he whispered as he put his hand on her cheek.

"Where am I?"

"You're in a hospital."

"Are we back at SHIELD?" she asked.

"No, we're still in Russia," he responded as he moved his hand away from her cheek.

A low man escaped Natasha's lips. She didn't want to be in a hospital, let alone in Russia.

"Where's Steve?' she asked trying to sit up.

"Easy, Nat. You need to take things slow," Clint said as he gently eased her back down on the pillow.

"Clint, where is he? Is he hurt?" she asked as a few tears started to fall.

"He's in the ICU. Ivan did a number on both of you."

"Ivan. He's still out there," Natasha gasped.

"Nat, you don't have to worry about him. He can't hurt you anymore," Clint soothed.

Another moan escaped Natasha's lips. "What was Clint saying?" she thought to herself.

A few minutes later, Dr. Anderson came into the room. A small smile appeared on Natasha's face when she saw who it was. Clint must've requested for him to come to Russia to be her and Steve's doctor.

"Hey, you're awake," he said quietly as he came closer to the bed.

"Doctor, I can't move!" Natasha cried as a small pain wave passed through her body.

"Natasha, you've been almost beaten to death. I need you to take it easy. Everything is going to be OK," Dr. Anderson soothed.

"I don't want to be here."

"I know, but you're too unstable to be transferred. It's going to take time."

More tears fell from Natasha's face. She wanted out of this horrible country.

There were too many horrible memories.

"Where's Steve?" she asked again.

"He's here too. He was severely wounded trying to rescue you. He needs a new lung in order to survive," Dr. Anderson explained.

Hot tears were streaming down Natasha's face when she heard about Steve. Clint did held tightly to her hand and did his best to sooth her. This was a lot to take in. In the last ten minutes or so, she learned that she couldn't move, Ivan was either dead or still alive and looking for her, and now, her fiancé needed a new lung in order to survive.

"Have you found a donor yet?" she asked.

"We're working on it, but I need you to focus on getting better. I'll work on Steve. "

Her eyes then turned toward Clint.

"Clint, I'm hungry."

"I'll get her something to eat," Dr. Anderson said as he finished up changing Natasha's IV fluid. He then left to room to go and get her something light to eat.

Clint then leaned over and kissed her bruised forehead.

"You're safe, Natasha. It's all over," he soothed.

She gave him a small smile, but it wasn't the smile that he was used to seeing. Behind it, he could see a sense of fear. He also could see it in her eyes.

She was scared, and he knew it.

As she and Clint were eating lunch, Natasha began to tell Clint what Ivan had done to her.

"Ivan would come into the room almost every night and beat me with a metal rod. Sometimes he would use a whip. He wanted me to talk, but I wouldn't. He then would just leave me in the room to suffer,

"What did he want you to say?" Clint asked.

Natasha closed her eyes as the memories of Ivan beating her were coming back into her mind.

She could hear Ivan's voice and herself shouting back.

_"_ _Say your name!"_

_"_ _Natasha Romanoff."_

_"_ _Your name is Natalia Romanova, not Natasha Romanoff!"_

"Nat?"

Her body began to shiver from the memory.

It wouldn't leave her.

"He wanted me to say…"

She tried to tell him, but her mind was too lost in the memory. She then felt a hand on her shoulder. She was almost sure it was Ivan, but it was Clint.

"It's OK. You don't have to tell me," Clint soothed.

Her body then stopped shaking. She looked at Clint with teary eyes. She was glad he didn't press her for answers.

"He made me remember," she said quietly.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Chemical injections. Ivan would inject me with this chemical that the second the needle touched my skin, my mind was wide open and every memory of my past was right in front of me. Budapest, Odessa, the KGB, Sao Paulo…"

She stopped as her body began to shake once again.

"Nat," Clint whispered snapping her from her thoughts. "you don't have to finish. I already know what you've been through."

She smiled, but it still wasn't the same. Clint could really see the fear behind her eyes. She had indeed been severely traumatized by what Ivan had done to her.

Despite her past, Clint still saw her for who she was.

She was an Avenger.

She was a friend.

She was an Agent of SHIELD.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the wonderful VBProdz for making me this image for this story.


	15. Chapter 15

Leia was in shock when she heard about everything.

Natasha was beat up and in the hospital, Steve needed a new lung, and she was still recovering for her shock of the raid from a while back. However, with what she just heard, it made her shock seem like nothing.

"Have they found a donor yet?" she asked Clint over the phone. Natasha was asleep and he decided to call Leia and see how she was doing as well as fill her in on what was going on.

"Not yet. Coulson has asked everyone in SHIELD to be tested, but most came up negative," Clint responded.

"What about Natasha? Is she going to make it?"

"I hope so. She regained consciousness a few days ago, but it's still going to be a long road of recovery. She's been severely traumatized by everything."

"What exactly did Ivan do to her?"

"He beat her almost every night, trying to get her to talk. When I found her, Ivan was just about to shoot her in the head," Clint explained.

"Oh my gosh!"

"It was horrible, Leia. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw her. I almost didn't recognize her."

"I'm so sorry for everything, Clint. I'll be praying for all of you," Leia said.

He didn't know what she meant by praying, but he politely responded with thanks. The next thing he knew, he could hear a few low moans from Natasha's room. He then heard a somewhat loud shriek.

"Leia, I've got to go. She's waking up and she doesn't sound good." He then quickly hung up the phone and rushed back into the room.

* * *

He got to her bedside just in time. Natasha was sitting up in bed.

She was having an anxiety attack.

This was probably the second one this week.

"I'm here, Natasha. It's OK," Clint soothed.

Natasha's breaths were sharp and heavy. Beads of sweat were streaming down her face and body.

She was staring at her left arm.

"Clint!" she cried.

"I'm right here, Nat," he said again as he placed his hand on her right shoulder. She looked at him with tears.

She was in pain.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"My arm. I can't move it!" she cried out as a pain wave came and went.

Clint looked at her left arm. In between a few bruises and whip marks, he noticed small injection marks from Ivan. Whatever chemical she was injected with was causing this attack.

At that moment, there was a knock on the door. Natasha's body tensed up.

"Easy, Nat. It's OK," Clint soothed again. With his hand still on her shoulder, he turned his head toward the door.

"Who is it?"

"Dr. Anderson."

"Come in."

Meanwhile, Natasha's breaths were getting sharper and even heavier than before. Clint then began stroking her forehead. His other hand held tightly to hers. It was covered in sweat.

"Clint, is she OK?" Dr. Anderson asked when he got closer to the bed.

"No. She said she can't move her arm."

Dr. Anderson moved to Natasha's left side. He then began to carefully run his hand across her arm, feeling each bruise, whip mark, and injection. Natasha tried to remain calm, but the pain was getting worse. Even though Dr. Anderson was being cautious, the pain was unbearable. Clint was still holding her hand and stroking her forehead, trying to keep her calm.

After running his hand across her arm, Dr. Anderson took out a special camera from his lab coat. He then began to move it across Natasha's arm. She flinched.

"Clint, keep her distracted. I need to move fast. The chemical that Ivan used is attacking the muscles in her arm. I have to stop it."

"Clint, what's happening to me?" Natasha asked. A sharp pain went through her body and she gasped loudly.

"Nat, I'm right here. It's OK. Just look at me," Clint said.

Natasha looked at Clint. In one hand he held hers. His other was now on her cheek.

As quickly as possible, Dr. Anderson prepared a syringe that he had to inject into Natasha's arm in order to prevent amputation. He was not about to have to face that same thing again.

He was going to save her.

Natasha looked over and saw the syringe. At that moment, the memory of Ivan injecting her flooded her mind and it wouldn't leave.

"No, please no!" she cried as yet another pain wave passed through.

"Natasha, it's OK. I'm not going to hurt you," Dr. Anderson soothed as he gently placed his hand on her shoulder. She was shaking.

"What's happening?" she asked.

'I'm going to help your arm. Just hang on. It will all be over soon."

Natasha closed her eyes as the needle penetrated her skin. The memory of Ivan still flooded her mind. She could even hear his voice. He was telling her to be still and that it would be over soon. Over and over Ivan's voice played in her mind.

On her right, Clint was whispering to her, trying to soothe her and keep her focus on him. He couldn't reach through to her. He could see that her eyes were closed. He could sense that something was wrong inside of her.

* * *

About a minute later, Natasha opened her eyes. Dr. Anderson was gone. Clint was still holding her hand in his.

"What happened? Is it over?" she whispered.

"Yeah, it is," Clint responded quietly.

A sense of relief came over her, but the memory of Ivan was still inside of her. She couldn't get rid of it.

"Ivan. He was here, wasn't he? I saw the needle. I heard his voice."

"Nat, that was Dr. Anderson. He stopped your arm from throbbing. The chemical that Ivan used was attacking your muscles, but he was able to stop it," Clint explained.

"He did?"

"Yeah. It's all over."

A small smile appeared across Natasha's face.

"So, it wasn't Ivan?" she asked.

"No. You don't have to worry about him anymore."

Natasha closed her eyes a second time. The memory was starting to fade away. Ivan's voice was gone from her mind.

Clint watched her as her breathing slowed down. All too soon, she was asleep. He gently then kissed her on the forehead and left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if none of this made sense, but hey, it's fiction, right? Right.


	16. Chapter 16

(2 weeks later)

Natasha was almost to her full self. Some of the smaller bruises were beginning to fade away, but many darker bruises, especially the ones on her shoulders, still remained. Her internal injuries and whip marks were also starting to heal, but there will still more to go.

During lunch, she tried a second time to tell Clint what Ivan was trying to get her to say when he would beat her, but again, the memory flooded her mind and she couldn't shake it. She wanted to tell Clint what happened, but the memory was just too traumatic to talk about.

Once she settled down, Clint changed the subject and began to tell her about how Steve got him to Alderaan and how things were going at SHIELD before he left,

"Steve was talking to me about where he was at in the process of finding you when all of sudden he just told me to get to Alderaan. Coulson wasn't too happy when I told him I was leaving, but he let me go anyway. He told me to come back in one piece. I told him that I would."

"How did you find me?" Natasha asked.

"Steve had received an anonymous text with 5 numbers and a name. The waiter at the restaurant where we stopped told us it was an address to a warehouse. I'm guessing it was the Red Room.

"It was." Natasha whispered. Just then, Clint's cell phone rang. It was Coulson.

"Sir?"

"Barton, we found a donor. The lung is on its way to Russia right now," Coulson said.

"Who is it?"

* * *

Sharon Carter had mixed emotions about what had just occurred. She nearly cried when she read Coulson's email about Steve needing a new lung. Next, the nursing home where her Great Aunt, Peggy Carter, was living had called and told her that Peggy had passed away today.

Tears were falling down her face as she continued to speak with the nurse, whose name was Beth. She had just seen Peggy yesterday and showed her Coulson's email.

"Her last word was Steve., Beth said quietly

"Beth, Peggy was an organ donor. I know what she means when she said 'Steve.' Can we arrange to have one of her lungs removed and donated?"

"Yes, I can have that arranged. What is Steve's last name and where is he located?"

"His full name is Steven Grant Rogers. According to my boss, he is located in a hospital in Russia. I can call you back once I get more information," Sharon responded. She then hung up and immediately called Coulson, who was overjoyed when he heard the news. He gave her the information that he needed, hung up and immediately called Clint.

The surgery took place later that evening. Meanwhile, back in DC, Coulson, Sharon, and Maria held a small memorial service for Peggy, who had been one of the founding members of SHIELD back in the day.

Clint waited anxiously in the waiting room for Steve to get done. He decided not to tell Natasha about what was going on. He thought he would surprise her and Steve wake her up in the morning.

Around 9:00 pm Russia time, the surgery was complete. Steve was in recovery and was expected to wake up in about 2 hours. Natasha was already sound asleep. Clint was desperately hoping she would be able to get through the night without having a nightmare. Almost every night, she would wake up from the same thing, Ivan beating her and not stopping until he was satisfied. Other times she dreamed of him injecting her with the chemical or something from her past. Either way, Natasha was not getting a lot of sleep.

* * *

 

(2 hours later)

Steve slowly opened his eyes. Because of the dim lighting in the room, all he could see was 2 figures. One was sitting in the chair half asleep, and the other was standing by his bed and changing what looked to be IV fluid.

"Where am I?" he asked weakly.

"You're in a Russian hospital," the standing figure said. "You just had a lung transplant."

"Who are you?"

"It's me, Cap. It's Dr. Anderson."

"What are you doing in Russia?" Steve asked.

"Clint called me and asked me to come here to take care of you," Dr. Anderson explained as he nudged Clint awake.

"Clint, where is he?"

"I'm right here, Cap," Clint answered as he straightened up in the chair.

"Clint, where's Nat? Please tell me she's alright."

"She's safe, Cap. Don't worry. I got her out and took care of Ivan."

At that moment a nurse came running into the room.

_"_ _Doctor, its Natasha. I think a heard something coming from her room."_

At that instant, Clint bolted out of the room. Dr. Anderson thanked the nurse and followed Clint, who was already halfway to Natasha's room.

He decided to stay outside the room and only enter if it was necessary. He wanted to give Clint some privacy so he could try and calm Natasha down.

Inside, Natasha was sitting straight up, her right hand tightly clenching the side rail of the bed. As Clint got closer, he could see that he body was covered in sweat and hot tears streaming down her face.

"Natasha, I'm here. It's OK," Clint said as he sat down on the chair and carefully placed a hand on her shoulder. She flinched, causing a small pain wave to pass through her body.

"Easy, just relax. It's me, Clint," he soothed.

Very carefully, he cupped her face in his hands and turned it toward him so that he could see her face. She looked into his eyes. Once she realized who it was, she immediately flung her arms around him and cried. Clint held her tightly and listened to her heavy breathing. Very carefully, he began to rub her back to try soothe her.

"Shh, it's OK. I'm right here. You're alright."

"I saw a needle. Ivan was injecting it into me, making me watch. Making me remember," she sobbed.

"Nat, it's all over. You're safe."

"No, he's still out there. He'll be looking for me."

"Nat, he's not looking for you. He can't hurt you again. I took care of him for you," he soothed.

Once her breathing somewhat slowed down, Clint eased her back onto the bed. He then positioned himself next to her. It was tight, but he didn't care. He wanted to do this.

He wanted to remind her that she was safe.

Finally, her breathing evened out and she fell asleep in Clint's arms. Her forehead was resting on his chest. He had his arms around her and were resting carefully on her back. All too soon, he was asleep himself, listening to Natasha's slow breaths, tightening his grip on her whenever she flinched.

Dr. Anderson eventually came into the room after attending to another patient since another doctor was needed. He was hesitant at first because of what was happening with Natasha, but this patient needed help.

Inside the room, he was met with in interesting sight. Clint and Natasha wee squished into the bed and sound asleep. He was a little confused at first, but he trusted that Clint knew what he was doing. He then quietly shut the door behind him and went to check on Steve.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick thing, the italics are a flashback.

The next morning, Clint awoke first. He carefully removed himself from the bed so that he wouldn't disturb Natasha. He wanted her to continue to sleep since she wasn't getting much because of having nightmares. He also still wanted to have Steve wake her as a surprise.

Very quietly, he went inside the small bathroom and splashed water on his face to freshen up. He then walked down to Steve's room to see if he was awake.

"Is she OK?" Steve asked as Clint sat down in the chair.

"Yeah, just a nightmare."

"How long has it been since you got her out of there?"

"About 3 weeks. She hasn't exactly gotten a lot of sleep," Clint answered.

"How about you?"

"Not much for me either, but between her and me, I've gotten more."

Steve nodded as Dr. Anderson came into the room.

"Morning, Cap. Ready to go home today?"

"I'm not leaving until Natasha is released," Steve answered.

"She has a little ways to go yet. She's slowly gaining her weight back and some of the internal injuries are starting to heal, but we're not quite there yet. On the other hand, you are free to go. The transplant was successful and your body is responding well," Dr. Anderson explained.

"Thank you, Doctor," Steve answered.

After Clint signed the discharge paper and Steve was changed into his own clothes, he and Clint walked to the cafeteria to get breakfast. That's when Clint asked Steve if he wanted to surprise Natasha and wake her up.

"Are you sure, Clint? She hasn't see me for almost what, 2 months now?" Steve said worriedly.

"All we can do is try. I'll stand back by the door to give you some space," Clint replied.

"OK."

After they finished their breakfast, they walked back to Natasha's room.

Along the way, Clint told Steve where his donated lung came from. He was somewhat heartbroken he heard that his longtime friend, Peggy Carter, was gone, but he was glad to have a part of her inside of him.

Very quietly, Clint opened the door and the two of them walked in. Natasha was still sound asleep, just as Clint had left her earlier that morning. While he stayed back by the door, he watched Steve sit down in the chair and gently take her hand.

Steve was a bit surprised to see her. He could still see many bruises on her arms, face, and neck. He also saw the injection marks which he assumed were from Ivan. He couldn't believe what Ivan had done to her. He wished that he would've gone after her the second Ivan took her away from him. Maybe none of this would've happened.

Very gently, Steve laid Natasha's hand back on the bed and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Nat," he said quietly.

Natasha's eyes fluttered open and she rolled to her side, pulling away from Steve's light grip.

"Nat, it's me. Time to wake up."

Very slowly, her body shifted so she was laying on her back again. She then tried to focus her eyes on the man that was next to her, but she couldn't make out his face.

"Clint?" she whispered.

"No, it's me, Steve," he responded as he took her hand.

Upon hearing his name the memory of him lying unconscious back at Ivan's warehouse came into her mind. A voice sounded over and over again. _"Ivan did a number on both of you. Ivan did a number on both of you. Ivan did a number on both…Ivan did a number…Ivan did…Ivan…"_

All of a sudden, her body began to shake and tremble.

"No!" she shrieked as her shaking increased. Steve tightened his grip on her hand as he motioned for Clint to come help. He then placed a hand on her shoulder, trying to calm her down himself.

"No!" Natasha shrieked again.

Steve moved back to allow Clint to come in and take over.

"Nat. It's OK. He's OK now. You're OK. Just calm down," Clint soothed.

"No. Ivan, he hurt us!" she sobbed.

"I know, but Steve's OK. He's OK now." 

Clint then continued to whisper to her and stroke her forehead. Natasha looked into his eyes. She was still shaking heavily. She wanted to calm down, but the memory of Ivan wouldn't leave her. Minutes later, Steve called for Dr. Anderson and he gave her a light sedative.

"It's alright Steve, she'll recognize you one day. It's going to take time. Ivan really traumatized her," Dr. Anderson said once they were outside the room.

"What can I do for now?" Steve asked.

"Keep on trying, but not constantly. Just take things slow."

"I will," Steve responded. Dr. Anderson then went back to resume what he was doing and Clint came out of Natasha's room.

"Sorry, Cap. I was hoping for better results."

"It's alright. It's going to take time."


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real quick, the italics in this chapter are a flashback. They are also supposed to be spoken in Russian.

(1 week later)

Finally, after being in a Russian hospital for one entire month, Natasha was finally released to go home. Clint and Dr. Anderson had already left the night before. Dr. Anderson was needed back on Alderaan and Clint had a mission awaiting him when he got back.

The second the door was shut and locked behind them, Steve carefully embraced Natasha in his arms. It felt so good to hold her again. She was still somewhat fragile, but he didn't care. He was glad to have her home.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," she responded.

As they were eating dinner, Natasha asked when they were going to return to SHIELD.

"Whenever you're ready," Steve answered.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not going back without you. You're my partner, and I'm not leaving my partner behind," Steve answered.

"But what about Coulson? Won't he be looking for you?" Natasha asked.

"Nat, he already knows."

Natasha was puzzled. All she knew is that both of them were in the hospital recovering at the same time, so could Coulson know what was going on? "Clint probably filled him in," she thought to herself.

"Nat, when Ivan took you away from me, I made it my mission to find you and bring you home. However, because of it, I was forced to resign from SHIELD. Coulson wouldn't help me, so I left. I told him I'm not returning until you are with me," Steve explained.

"So, it's just him, Clint and Hill? Nobody else?"

"I think Sharon Carter is there too, but yeah. That's it."

A few tears started to form in Natasha's eyes. Steve was keeping true to his word. He didn't want to return to SHIELD until she was ready.

* * *

It was about 11:30 at night. Natasha was desperately trying to get some sleep, but something didn't feel right. She felt like she was back in Russia. She was back in that room where Ivan would bind her wrists above her head and beat her, forcing her to say her name.

_"_ _Say your name!"_

_"_ _Natasha Romanoff."_

_"_ _Your name is Natalia Romanova."_

_"_ _Say your name!"_

_"_ _Natasha Romanoff."_

_"_ _Your name is Natalia Romanova."_

The nightmare shattered and Ivan's voice was fading away. Her hands were no longer bound above her. Instead, they were under the warm covers of Steve's bed, and they were drenched in sweat, as well as the rest of her body.

As fast as she could, she threw the covers off her, stood up, and began to go to the door.

She didn't feel safe here.

She could've swore she saw Ivan in the room.

Hearing Natasha's footsteps move across the floor, Steve instantly woke up.

"Nat, are you OK?"

She wasn't OK.

She needed to get away.

She needed to go somewhere she felt safe, however she wasn't sure where that was.

"Nat, talk to me. What's wrong?" Steve said as he got up and moved toward her.

"No! Please! Just leave me alone!" she pleaded as she made her way to the living room.

She then stumbled and fell.

Steve rushed to her aide and tried to calm her down. He was able to get her back in his room and in the bed, but she was shaking heavily. She thought he was Ivan, dragging her to the room to beat her or restraining her in a chair to inject her with the chemical.

"Easy, Nat. It's just me, Steve. I'm not going to hurt you," he soothed.

"No! Let go of me!"

He then got his phone and called Clint.

"Come on, Clint. Pick up," he said as the held the phone to his ear, still trying to keep Natasha calm.

* * *

Clint groaned when he heard his cell phone ring on his nightstand. He had just gotten back from his mission about an hour ago and he desperately wanted sleep. Not checking the caller ID, he just hit the "answer" button.

"Hello," he answered groggily.

"Clint, sorry to bother you this late, but something's wrong with Natasha. I don't know what's wrong and she won't talk to me. She thinks I'm Ivan and that I'm trying to hurt her," Steve said.

"Where is she?"

"I have her in bed, but she's shaking violently. I don't know what to do," 

"It's alright, Cap. I'm on my way. Just hang in there. I'll be there as soon as I can." He then quickly hung up, threw on some sweats, and practically sped to Steve's apartment.

* * *

Steve was already at the door the second he saw Clint's car pull into a parking spot. He then ran up the stairs, and straight to the room.

"Natasha. I'm here. It's OK. You're safe. You're not in Russia anymore," Clint said as he wrapped his arms around her shaking body.

"No. Ivan was here. He was dragging me to the room to torture me. He was going to hurt me!" she cried.

"Nat, Ivan's gone. I shot him with an arrow. He can't hurt you anymore," Clint soothed.

"No, I saw him. He was here!"

Clint continued to hold her in his arms. Steve was right. She was shaking, and she was shaking violently. Not only did she not understand that Ivan was gone, but she still didn't recognize Steve. Even before she was released, she was still uneasy with him in the room. Almost all the time, he had to be in the room to keep her from having an attack.

"Clint, I can't sleep. Something doesn't feel right," she whispered.

"Nat, you'll be OK. I'll stay with you tonight," Clint said. He then eased her back onto the pillow and wrapped his arms protectively around her.

"Everything is going to be OK. You're safe now. I got you."

She wanted to believe him, but she wasn't safe. She was scared. She was somewhat able to sleep, and that's because Clint was there.

* * *

Steve hadn't realized how long Clint was with Natasha until he was woken up the following morning by Clint shaking him.

"Cap, wake up," Clint whispered.

"Huh? What time is it?"

"8:00 in the morning. I have to get back to SHIELD," Clint answered.

"Nat?"

"She's still asleep. Try not to wake her if you can. She desperately needs it."

Steve then got off the couch and the two of them walked to the door.

"Thanks, Clint," he said.

"You're welcome. Keep your head up. She'll recognize you one day. By the way, I'll tell Coulson and Hill you said 'hello,'" Clint responded. He then left the apartment.

After he quietly closed the door and locked it, he went back to his room and peeked inside Natasha was sound asleep in his bed. The covers were pulled up to her chin. She looked peaceful.

As quietly as he could possibly be, Steve gathered what he needed from his room and went into the bathroom to get ready for the day. 


	19. Chapter 19

They had been at his apartment for almost 3 weeks now. Natasha's body still contained many bruises and scrapes, however some of them were starting to fade. Her back was also still covered. It will still be weeks before she would heal completely. As far at the marks on her arm, they were now just small bumps. There were probably about 10 or 15 of them. Almost every day, Natasha would rub her right hand over each bump, each time reminding her of the numerous times that Ivan would force her into that chair and inject her with the chemical that made her remember her past. She would then shake and Steve would have to hold her until the memory left her.

The two of them almost never left his apartment, and that's probably because she was still in fear that Ivan would show up and try to take her away or kill her. When they would go out, usually to get some fresh air or grab a bite to eat, she would mostly wear tank tops and sweaters. Her SHIELD uniform was stripped from her way back before Ivan first took her, so Coulson was having it remade. It would be waiting for her whenever she was ready to return.

As far as her mental recovery goes, she's still having a hard time grasping the fact that Ivan is dead. She thinks that he is still alive and that he's looking for her so he can kill her. She wanted to let go, but something inside of her wouldn't allow it. Also, there would be occasions where she would wake up thinking she was in Russia. On one particular night, Steve found her asleep in the lobby of his apartment. Another night, he found her in the front seat of car and the keys in her lap. She was trying to get away from her nightmares, but something stopped her. Also, and this was a plus for him, she finally stopped seeing him as a threat to her and that he wanted to hurt her. He never was a threat to her this whole time. He never wanted to hurt her. He just wanted to be there for her whenever she had a nightmare.

On one particular evening while Natasha was asleep, Steve secretly called Coulson and began to make wedding plans.

"Cap, are you sure you want to do this? She still has a long way to go yet," Coulson asked worriedly.

"I know, but this might help her. Besides, we've been engaged for what, 7 months now?"

"Very true. OK, I'll tell a judge to be ready whenever you guys return. I think Agent Hill can get a dress for her to wear from Leia or Sharon. Do you want me to be her escort?"

"Yes. You've been like a father to her," Steve answered.

"Technically it should be Director Fury, but he still wants to remain anonymous, but you're right, she does see me as a father," Coulson answered."

"OK. Thanks, Coulson, and I already talked to Clint. He's going to be my best man." 

Just then, Steve heard a scream come from his room, as well as a gun being fired and glass being broken. Without saying a word to Coulson, Steve hung up his phone, slammed it on the table, and rushed into his room.

Inside, Natasha was sitting up in bed, clenching her gun tightly in her right hand. His eyes then looked to the window. She must've fired a shot, thinking she was firing at a person, but instead it got his window.

"Nat. It's OK. It was just a dream. You're safe. No one's trying to hurt you. We're not in Russia. We're home," he said as he sat down on the bed and drew her close. He then helped her ease up on the grip of her gun. When she finally let it go, he tossed it on the floor, out of sight so that it wouldn't set off any more triggers for her.

"I tried to kill him. He had me pinned on the ground. He wanted to hurt me," she sobbed.

"Nat, Ivan can't hurt you anymore. Clint took care of him. You're safe."

She buried her face into Steve's shirt as she continued to sob.

Steve held her tightly. He wasn't mad at her for breaking his window. He knew that she was scared and that she thought she had seen Ivan. He would repair it in the next couple of days. For now, he would hold Natasha in his arms, and let her cry as long as she needed to, even if she saw it as being weak.

Once she stopped crying, he got off the bed, cleaned up the glass as best he could, changed into some sweats and climbed in bed next to her sleep.

As they were falling asleep, he began to speak.

"Nat, I need you to do something for me."

"What is it?" she responded quietly.

"If you could say anything about me, what would you say?"

Natasha began to think about what she would say. There were numerous things to mention, from him buying her the necklace, him comforting her at Sam Wilson's house, him being there for her after her emergency amputation, and most recently, him staying with her at his apartment until she was ready to return to SHIELD. He could've went back without her, but instead, he resigned and promised not to return until she was with him.

"Shall I tell you now? Although it might take me a while to get it all out."

"No, write it down and keep it safe," Steve answered.

"I will. I love you."

"I love you too."

"Steve?" she asked.

"Yeah?"

"I'm ready to go back tomorrow. I'm ready to get back into the field."

"Are you sure? I mean, you just had a nasty nightmare."

"Yes. It's time."

"OK. We'll leave in the morning," he said.

He then kissed her forehead and the two of them fell asleep, arms wrapped around each other.


	20. Chapter 20

Around 8:00 am, Natasha woke first. Steve was still asleep next to her. She quietly got out of the bed and went to the bathroom to freshen up. She was nervous and excited at the same. Today was the day that she and Steve were returning to SHIELD. She was excited to be getting back to work and being able to wear her new uniform, but she was nervous since she wasn't fully recovered from the past month. She didn't care. She was ready to be back. Her wounds could heal at SHIELD.

After fixing herself some breakfast, she sat down at the table. In front of her was a piece of blank white paper and a pen. On this paper. She was going to write the words that she wanted to say to Steve. A few tears fell onto the paper as she was writing, but she just kept going. As she was rereading what she wrote, particularly the part about Russia, her body began to tense up. She then clenched her fists. All too soon, she was shaking.

In an attempt to calm herself down, she tried to stand, but quickly fell back on the chair.

"Breathe, Natasha. It's OK," she told herself.

Finally, after taking multiple deep breaths, she was able to calm down. She then folded the piece of paper and put it in her pocket, cleaned up her breakfast dish, and went to pack.

By then, Steve was already up and in the shower.

"Morning, Nat," he said when he got out and saw her.

"Morning."

"You OK? I thought I heard you fall."

"I'm fine," she responded. She then began to pack.

Within 2 hours, they were back on the road, heading to SHIELD HQ.

* * *

Steve parked Natasha's car and turned off the engine. As he was undoing his seat belt, he glanced over at where she sat. Her hands were laying in her lap.

"Hey, you OK?" He asked.

"I'm fine," she whispered.

"Nat, if you're not ready, we can go back. I'll still wait for you," he said, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"No, it's OK. I'm ready to do this." She said. She then undid her seat belt. Steve came around to her side and helped her out. 

* * *

Hand in hand, the two of them walked through the doors of the base. Coulson, Clint, Maria, Sharon, and a few members of the STRIKE team greeted them with cheers and applause.

"Welcome back, Cap," Coulson said.

"Thank you, Sir," Steve said as he shook Coulson's hand.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted toward you," Coulson said.

"It's alright, Sir. I should've handled the situation better."

Very carefully, Coulson embraced Natasha in his arms and held her. Tears were beginning to form in his eyes, He was grateful that she was safely out of Russia.

"I'm so glad your back. I missed you."

"Me too, Sir. It's good to be back," she responded fighting back tears.

Clint did the same. He was so happy to finally have his partner back, not just back at SHIELD, but back from Russia.

"Sharon, I'm so sorry about Peggy. I know and her were close," Steve said as he shook her hand.

"Thank you, Captain. I know you and her were good friends. I'm glad that part of her is inside you," she responded. She then left the room since she was leaving on a mission.

After talking briefly with the STRIKE team, they left with Sharon to go on their mission. Meanwhile, Coulson, Clint, Maria, Steve, and Natasha gathered together in the dining room for a light lunch prepared by Maria.

During lunch, Steve made the announcement that no one was expecting. Maria also left the room. 

"Natasha, remember last night when I asked you about what you would say about me?"

"I do," she responded as she began to pull the paper from her back pocket.

Steve then put his hand on top of hers before she was able to finish unfolding it.

"Would you like to exchange them now?"

"Exchange?"

"Nat, they're meant to be wedding vows. I want to marry you right now. It's been too long since our engagement," Steve said.

Tears were beginning to fall from Natasha's eyes. Steve must've secretly planned this while she was recovering. The only thing he told her was that Maria Hill was involved.

"Steven, I would love to, but, are you sure this is the right setting?"

"Nat, just trust me. I have it all worked out," Steve responded. He then directed her attention to Maria, who was coming back into the room, holding up a white dress for her to wear.

"Go get ready. I'll be waiting," he said.

With tears flooding her eyes, she and Steve embraced. He then gave her a kiss on the forehead and then watched as Maria led her to her room to get ready.

Meanwhile, Coulson and Clint began to clean up the dishes. Coulson would then decorate a section in the main room of the base for the ceremony. He also called the judge to tell him that today was the day.

Before long, everyone was in their rooms, getting ready for what was to be a simple, but beautiful wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's that. Little fun fact, this story was actually a rewrite. I had one version written, but I wasn't comfortable in posting it. I also want to thank one of my college friends for helping me intensify some of the torture scenes.  
> Part 4 of this series is already posted. It's called "Simple, but Beautiful".  
> Follow me on twitter (@AdorationAmy) and check me out on [tumblr](http://adorationamy.tumblr.com) to ask questions and see what I am up to.


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